“TV Doesn’t Get Much Worse Than This”
Last Updated – 02/21/05
Begun – 11/02/04
Compiled from Zap2It.com, The Futon Critic & Yahoo
If you have any additions/corrections to this list, please send Bert an e-mail.
See the birth of bad television in the 2004-2005 pilot season
Relive the horror that was the 2003-2004 television pilot season
Witness the 2002-2003 television pilots
Network – FX
IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA: Comedy that revolves around a diverse group of friends who own a bar in philadelphia, one of whom reveals he has cancer in the first episode.
STARVED: Comedy that chronicles the misadventures of four thirtysomething friends (a bulimic cop, an obese writer, a commodities broker and an anorexic bisexual songwriter) as seen through the country’s obsession with food.
UNTITLED: Actor/comedian Eddie Izzard (“Ocean’s Twelve”) as a con artist patriarch of an Irish family that moves to the southern U.S.
EL CENTRO: Drama about a sheriff in Mexicali, the desert region along the California-Mexico border.
“OVER THERE“: Revolves around a sergeant and his platoon stationed in Iraq. The first episode centers on a small battle, while the second focuses on the platoon’s attempt to guard a checkpoint. Stories involving the soldiers’ families on the homefront will be interwoven in the frontline drama. The ensemble would be ever-changing — some soldiers will be killed, relieved of duty or sent home while others would rotate in. (Sort of like the comic book The Nam from Marvel Comics in the 1980’s. – Bert.) From Steven Bochco and Chris Gerolmo (“Citizen X”).
“THIEF“: Stars Andre Braugher as a professional crook.
ABC
LENNIE ROSE: Drama about a single woman trying to find love and make it big in New York.
THE CATCH: Drama set in the world of bounty hunters. (Carry over from the 2004/’05 pilot season.)
Bobby Cannon: Comedy about a pro football quarterback nearing retirement who has to mentor his replacement while figuring out what to do with the rest of his life.
Joint Custody: Comedy about a recent college graduate who returns home to find his parents divorced.
Crumbs: Comedy about two estranged brothers — one gay, one straight — who are forced to come together and run the family business when their parents get divorced.
Neighbors: Comedy about dueling neighbors forced to contend with one another when their wives and children become unlikely friends.
Sally: Comedy about a middle-aged woman who suddenly decides to make a change in her picture-perfect family life by getting a divorce and a job.
COMPLICATIONS or GREY’S ANATOMY: Revolves around the personal and professional lives of five first-year interns at Seattle Grace Hospital.
Emily’s Reasons Why Not: Comedy about a self-help advice author who doesn’t follow her own advice.
Hot Properties: About four women in a real estate office. (ABC’s second pilot this season set in the wacky world of real estate. – Bert.)
IN JUSTICE: Drama which revolves around a group of impassioned lawyers who aid the wrongly convicted.
UNTITLED: Chris Kattan-led comedy who playsan egocentric consumer reporter at a fledgling cable news channel
PLAY MATES: Comedy which revolves around the lives of three quirky couples whose lives intersected after they met in a baby preparation class.
UNTITLED: Comedy about thirtysomething singles dating in Philadelphia.
ADOPTED: Comedy about a thirtysomething writer whose life is turned upside down when his biological mom shows up on his doorstep one day, resulting in his adoptive and birth mothers comically competing for his attention.
Night Stalker: An updated take on the 1970s ABC series “Kolchak: The Night Stalker.”
Lennie Rose: A lighthearted one-hour about a single woman trying to find love and make it big in New York.
In Justice: Revolves around a group of impassioned lawyers who aid the wrongly convicted.
LAWS OF CHANCE: Drama about the life of unconventional Houston assistant district attorney Kelly Siegler, whose 95% success rate in court was partly due to her theatrical presentation in arguing cases.
INVASION: Alien-themed drama about what happens in a small Florida town after a hurricane hits.
PROS AND CONS: Drama about five ex-cons who end up working with the government’s antifraud forces.
“What About Brian?“: Centers on a thirtysomething single guy surrounded by his married friends. (OR) About a single man in his 30s still trying to figure out his life after all his friends have gotten hitched. From J.J. Abrams.
“Westside“: Set in the cutthroat world of real estate and centers on an upscale real estate agency specializing in high-end homes in Los Angeles.
“(The) Evidence“: A procedural drama that starts with presenting all the evidence and follows the efforts to deconstruct the crime. (Or better known as Law and Order: CSI. – Bert)
“Commander in Chief“” About the first female president of the United States. Unlike “The West Wing” however, the series will spend more time examining the president’s family life.
UNTILED: Comedy about a soft-spoken gay man who lives with his very not gay brother.
UNTITLED: The Cheri Oteri-led/J.J. Abrams-produced comedy is understood to revolve around a woman who works at a children’s TV show.
THE CATCH: (ABC) – Bounty hunter drama pilot, which stars Greg Grunberg and Orlando Jones, with J.J. Abrams. Carry-over from last season.
MR. & MRS. DOE: Dramedy about two single F.B.I. agents who go undercover as a married couple.
SOCCER MOMS: Drama at the network about housewives who investigate suburban crimes. (Next up on ABC it’s Soccer Moms followed by Nascar Dads. – Bert) OR Two suburban housewives who team up as private investigators.
UNTITLED: About an unconventional teacher played by Peter Dinklage of The Station Agent.
UNTITLED 9/11 COMMISSION REPORT PROJECT: ABC is developing its own take on the “9/11 Commission Report,” coming on the heels of last week’s announcement of a limited series about the subject being in the works at NBC (read the story).
UNTITLED: David Boreanaz (“Angel”) is set to topline a new drama project about the life of undercover hit man Jack Ballantine. Boreanaz will play an undercover cop in the world of murder for hire in the project.
NBC
UNCOMMON SENSE: Comedy about a columnist with a wry sense of humor, and his relationship with his wife.
ALL IN: The comedy, which is based on the life of Annie Duke – a world poker champion, tracks a single mom who’s a whiz around the poker table, but who could use some of those same smarts in raising her kids.
BOOK OF DANIEL: A dysfunctional family drama about a Vicodin-popping Episcopalian priest who finds himself speaking routinely with a hip, modern Jesus, who appears as a vision and offers valuable guidance.
HOT PROPERTY: Comedy about three immoral real estate agents in Houston.
Blue Skies: Centers on a a 27-year-old former golden child who finds herself constantly becoming the reluctant enabler to her crazy family.
Inconceivable: Set in a fertility clinic.
E-RING: Drama described as “The West Wing” set at the Pentagon, “E-Ring” revolves around the inner workings of the country’s military headquarters.
UNTITLED: “SNL” head writer Tina Fey has scored a pilot production order from the Peacock for a new comedy about the head writer of a variety show who has to manage her relationships with the show’s volatile star and executive producer.
UNTITLED: Comedy about an obese woman who turns thin and struggles in her relationships with her still-large family and friends.
LOVED ONES (AND OTHER PEOPLE WE HATE): Comedy about three adult siblings who lead very separate lives and yet they are always overlapping.
NOTORIOUS: Comedy starring Tori Spelling which is loosely based on Spelling’s real-life, pre-marriage experiences as a Hollywood celebrity and a member of the Spelling clan.
EARLY BIRD: Comedy about a twentysomething guy who moves into a retirement community.
LIES AND THE WIVES WE TELL THEM TO: Comedy about the marriages and friendships of four best friends and the secrets and lies they tell to keep them going.
Fillmore Middle OR FILMORE MIDDLE: About young teachers at a middle school.
I Love Faron Hitchman: Centers on newlyweds whose families can’t stand each other and are wondering if they tied the knot too quickly.
World of Trouble: Based on a real-life FBI unit investigating crimes against Americans and American interests overseas. (OR) About a squad of U.S.-based F.B.I. agents that solve crimes committed against Americans (and U.S. interests) overseas.
N-70 (A.K.A. THE FRENCH CONNECTION): Drama about the lives of real-life New York detectives Sonny Grosso and Eddie Egan. The pair helped bring about one of the biggest drug busts in U.S. history and were the focus of the 1971 feature “The French Connection.”
DANTE: Comedy about the life and family of a football superstar who has an extra-large sense of entitlement and often is out of touch with reality.
UNTITLED: Comedy about a fortysomething man (Scott Baio) who moves in with a guy in his 20s, turning his life upside down. (This screams ORIGINALITY! – Bert)
THE ASSISTANTS: Dramedy about a group of assistants who work in the same building in a number of different industries. The project is described as an “Upstairs, Downstairs” look at assistants and their bosses.
FATHOM: In the vein of James Cameron’s “The Abyss” focusing on mysterious creatures that live far underwater. In the wake of the breakout success of “Lost,” networks are showing more interest in adventure-themed pilots this development season. OR – About a group of naval officers, oceanographers and fishermen from around the world who encounter a group of mysterious sea creatures who turn out to be space invaders from Venus, here to make life on earth sustainable for even more creatures to come.
MY NAME IS EARL (Or) EARL: Comedy that revolves around a low-rent crook who, after winning the lottery, decides to use his limited yet oddly effective intelligence to right the wrongs he has made in his life.
UNTITLED: Drama set in the world of the Los Angeles real estate market.
CONFESSIONS OF A DOG: “Scrubs” creator Bill Lawrence and Eric Weinberg, one of the show’s writers, are set to team for a new comedy which revolves around a likable self-deprecating serial dater who has never been in a serious relationship and his two best friends – a guy who got married early and had an instant family and a woman who, after playing the field for years, has fallen in love and gotten engaged – all of whom have remained friends despite their divergent lifestyles.
KINGS OF NEW YORK (OR) FOUR KINGS: Comedy that revolves around four friends in New York, all best friends from childhood. (Sounds a lot like a million other comedies. – Bert)
GRAHM YOST UNTITLED 9/11 COMMISSION REPORT: Programming event that will define and explore the dramatic circumstances leading up to – and including – the tragic attack on America of September 11, 2001. From Graham Yost (“Boomtown,” “Band of Brothers”).
UNTITLED: Comedian Brian Regan is set to be the focus of a new sitcom at the Peacock from “Scrubs” creator Bill Lawrence and writer Tim Hobert about a married man who moves with his wife from the suburbs to Chicago in search of more out of life.
CBS
THREE: Comedy about a newly single guy who suddenly finds himself the third wheel in the relationship between his best friend and the friend’s wife.
UNTITLED: Comedy that revolves around a New Yorker who marries and suddenly becomes a stepmom in suburbia.
UNTITLED: Comedy that revolves around three adult siblings (two brothers, one sister) who rally to support their eccentric professor father when their mother leaves him.
3 LBS.: Drama which revolves around the lives of a group of brain surgeons.
UNTITLED: Comedy that revolves around a divorced couple who remain best friends and share custody of their kids.
Old Christine: Comedy about a 35-year-old, newly divorced mom dealing with her ex and the other parents at her son’s school.
Everything I Know About Men: An adaptation of the BBC comedy “According to Bex,” is about a single woman and the men in her life. OR – Will track a single young woman juggling all the men in her life.
How I Met Your Mother: Comedy that centers on a middle-aged man reflecting on his dating exploits 20 years prior.
UNTITLED: Comedy that follows the intertwined lives of two divorcing couples, one of which is having a far easier time with the split than the other.
LANCASTER: Drama about the mayor of a mid-sized city who enjoys massive popularity even as he deals in backroom politics and shady deals.
STROLLER WARS: Comedy about a young couple who adjust to life as new parents in New York City.
UNTITLED: Comedy about a family of single doctors.
THE COMMUTERS: Drama which revolves around three couples in the suburbs, the husbands of which all commute together each day on the train to New York City.
The Unit: From writer-director David Mamet and “The Shield” creator Shawn Ryan. The show, about the lives of special forces soldiers and their families, is based on Eric Haney’s 2002 book “Inside Delta Force.” (Inside Delta Force was the source material for Mamet’s awesome Spartan.)
THE FAMILY MAN: From director Brett Ratner (“Red Dragon”). Revolves around a married couple — he’s a sports agent, she’s a magazine editor — juggling family and work.
Quantico: Focuses on behavioral analysts at the FBI
UNTITLED: Involving psychic James Van Praagh, about a newlywed who can communicate with the dead. (Ummm, like NBC’s Medium? – Bert)
CONVICTION: Drama about a defense attorney-turned-prosecutor who crafts his cases by telling a detailed story. OR – Revolves around a hotshot defense attorney who ends up switching sides, solving crimes for the prosecution.
Love Monkey: Told through the eyes of a record-company exec, it chronicles the lives of four friends dealing with dating, love and marriage.
American Crime: The series focuses on a upwardly mobile female prosecutor who is also a new mother. OR – About a female prosecutor who juggles the world of suburban crime with the challenges of being a new mother.
Threshold: About a female government agent who leads a team of military and scientific officers to respond to an alien threat. OR A female government contingency analyst who leads a team of scientists who begin communications with an alien entity.
WASHINGTON STREET: Comedy about the tenants in a modest apartment building who form a family, led by a nurturing single mom.
ICE: Eriq La Salle (“ER”) and his Humble Journey Films are developing a new drama which tracks two Miami-based Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents as they dismantle global crime rings. Eriq La Salle will not star.
UNTITLED: About a divorced woman and business owner who lives with her brother and tries to juggle all the things on her plate, including the challenges coming from enrolling her kid in an exclusive private school.
UNTITLED: Centers on two divorced couples – one of which split relatively healthy while the other was anything but. The latter couple shares custody of two kids while the former splits time with their two dogs. Appel hopes to put a human face on divorce with the project, doing for divorce what “Will & Grace” did for gay America.
The WB
UNTITLED: Drama about a mermaid who attempts to live on dry land in Miami. (Also known as the feature film Splash. – Bert)
PEPPER DENNIS: Drama about a Chicago-based TV reporter who juggles her career, love and family lives.
THE PRINCE: Tracks a rich New York family and the relationship between the father and his “anti-hero” younger son following the older son’s death.
UNTITLED: Dramedy which tracks four adult sisters in Manhattan who together struggle through career and romance. (*Cough* Sex and the City *Cough* – Bert.)
Supernatural: About two brothers who travel the country hunting down supernatural beings.
True: Anne Heche plays a young woman whose boyfriend breaks up with her while she is in labor with their baby, and she has to move back in with her parents. While the man doesn’t leave her life completely, the ordeal is a wake-up call for the new mother, who has been procrastinating her entire life, staying in school for as long as possible to delay stepping into the real world. (Bert won’t be watching this? True. – Bert)
HAPPY TOGETHER: Comedy about two life-long friends that must adapt to a new way of life when one of them gets engaged.
BERGDORF BLONDES: Adaptation of Plum Sykes’ bestselling novel of the same name. Revolves around the exploits of a spoiled twentysomething and the cast of characters who make up her New York-based “Sex and the City”-esque lifestyle, including her best friend, heiress Julie Bergdorf. (Paris Hilton the television series!? Please say it ain’t so! – Bert)
UNTITLED: Revolves around a group of women entering their 30s in Los Angeles.
WING MEN: A male buddy comedy. (What the world needs right now is a male buddy comedy. – Bert)
“DOG TOWN LAWYERS“: Jerry Bruckheimer Television has confirmed its put pilot commitment at the Frog, about the relationship between a 17-year-old prodigy lawyer and his mentor.
“SPY GIRL“: Based on the Amy Gray novel of the same name about a twentysomething Ivy League graduate who quits her publishing job to join a small Manhattan P.I. agency and pursue her childhood dream of being a private investigator. Said decision leads her to work with a gang of misfit colleagues where she discovers uncanny parallels between her investigations and her tumultuous love life. The project actually is the second take on Gray’s novel for the small screen as Jennie Garth toplined the original effort for NBC back in 2001.
“NOBODY’S WATCHING“: Revolves around two twentysomething guys who win a reality show and get to create their own sitcom. As the guys struggle to fulfill their dream of making a TV comedy, their every move is filmed, and they are confined to live on a soundstage without realizing that they are the show. From Bill Lawrence (“Scrubs”).
Fox
UNTITLED: Drama about the complicated romantic relationships and the outrageous entanglements of the employees and clients of a one-stop-shopping Las Vegas wedding emporium.
PEEP SHOW: Comedy described as a look inside the disturbing minds of two roommates.
KITCHEN CONFIDENTIAL: Comedy from Darren Star about the life of Les Halles executive chef and Food Network host Anthony Bourdain. Revolve around the exploits of Jack Bourdain, a bad-boy, down-on-his-luck chef who takes over at a top New York restaurant and must fight off all the urges of his former lifestyle.
NEW CAR SMELL: Comedy about a used-car dealership.
ANATOMY OF AN AFFAIR: Drama which tracks a man and woman embarking on a workplace affair. Described as “Closer” meets “American Beauty.” (Based on two movies at once!? A guaranteed hit for sure! – Bert.)
CRAZY LAWYERS or HOUSE OF PAYNE: Comedy about a golden boy successful lawyer who has a nervous breakdown and teams with a mentally disturbed lawyer with an anger problem to represent people with all kinds of issues, not just legal ones.
Stacked: A comedy about a bookstore employee trying to shed her bad-girl past and the guys who come with it.
Deviant Behavior: Follows a team of cops that tracks serial killers.
UNTITLED: Set at a fertility clinic
REUNION: Drama which tracks the friendships of six high school friends for 20 years, all over the course of a single 22-episode season.
REVVED: Drama set in North Carolina that revolves around two brothers who work in a chop shop and also lend a hand when their neighbors are threatened by corrupt government officials or business interests.
Ticket to Ride: Explores the relationships between 20 people who hold winning tickets to a huge lottery jackpot.
Briar & Graves: Drama that follows a fallen priest who works with a female doctor to explore religious phenomena. (Sounds a lot like BBC’s show Strange. From BBC, “…defrocked Priest John Strange meets Nurse Jude Atkins, an ex-scientist, and persuades her to help solve the mystery.” – Bert)
Murder Book: “Cop drama” which revolves around L.A. detectives who solve crimes by using the evidence “book” on each case. (Again, how many CSI rip-offs can exist!?) (OR) About L.A. cops and the beat-by-beat way they go about their business, including compiling reams of info about a case in one giant book.
AMY COYNE: Centers on a woman who inherits her father’s sports agency when he dies.
UNTITLED: Focuses on a Secret Service agent who discovers the person he’s protecting is actually one of the bad guys.
THE INSIDE: Ayoung F.B.I. agent who works for the L.A. bureau’s Violent Crimes Unit. Carry-over from last year. The concept originally revolved around a 22-year-old federal agent (Rachel Nichols) working undercover at a suburban high school.
UNTITLED: Ensemble workplace comedy at the network about cops who work the Times Square precinct. Described as a mix of “Barney Miller” and “NewsRadio.”
DARKSIDE: High-concept drama about a group of astronauts who go missing after tracing an S.O.S. signal to the dark side of the moon where they discover a mysterious compound. The series will also track an Earth-bound storyline about a government conspiracy to cover up what happened to the crew. (It’s Lost with space-ships. – Bert)
THE WAR AT HOME: Comedy about hypocritical parents who struggle to maintain dominance over their kids.
KIDNAPPED: Drama.
PRISON BREAK: Drama about an engineer who inserts himself into a prison he designed to help his brother, a death row inmate who insists he is innocent, escape. The story plays out over the course of the season.
SPRING STREET: Drama.
UNTITLED: The project centers on a guy right out of college who becomes the first among his friends to get a real job and straddles the fence between slacker and working man.
“QUEEN B“: Features Alicia Silverstone as Beatrice, a narcissistic woman who used her manipulation skills to become the most popular girl (a.k.a. the queen bee) in high school but now finds it harder to use those unlikable traits to her advantage in her late 20s.
“UNHITCHED“: About a dysfunctional family of lawyers working in a divorce-centered law firm.
Brennan: Drama about a forensic anthropologist who uses her expertise to help solve crimes when other investigative methods have come up short. (OR) About the real-life experiences and bestselling works of novelist-forensic anthropologist Kathy Reichs. The project will track a female forensic anthropologist named Marjorie Miles, who solves crimes using evidence supplied by skeletal remains. Miles will spearhead a team of experts to help her solve the mysteries of the bones, including a reconstructive artist and bug experts who can uncover clues about a case by analyzing the creatures surrounding a corpse. (Is CBS spinning their CSI franchise to Fox!? – Bert 🙂
UPN
Crazy: About a female psychiatrist who draws insight on her own life through the issues of her patients.
The Lot: Focuses on young Hollywood as seen through the eyes of several twentysomethings who work at a studio.
Triangle: Begins when the wife of a young doctor mysteriously disappears while they’re on their honeymoon. In order to find out what happened, he stays on the island and begins to treat the residents and visitors, the trade paper reported.
UNTITLED: Primetime soap set in Miami’s famed South Beach.
TNT
THE CLOSER: About the female deputy chief heading up a special unit of the L.A.P.D. that handles sensitive, high-profile murder cases.
THE DARK: Revolves around the F.B.I.’s tracking and apprehension team, which is only called upon when the most disturbing, dangerous and baffling serial criminals are on the loose.
HBO
UNTITLED: Based on the true story of a group of U.S. Army Engineers deployed to a remote base with no orders in Iraq in 2003 to search for weapons of mass destruction. The show picks up there, with the soldiers trying to find ways to occupy their time.
THE COMEBACK: Stars Lisa Kudrow as a one-time sitcom star who is trying to revive her career.
USA
“KOJAK“: The cable channel will roll out its remake of the 1970s CBS detective drama “Kojak,” starring Ving Rhames in the role made famous by Telly Savalas, as a regular series set to debut in March.
